The tragedy of September (11th, 2001) is a wake-up call to us to slow down, and take our entire lives into consideration. I asked Sumyyah what impelled her to introduce a career development column for parents on EUREKA's website. She answered, "My love for my son. And the knowledge that parents need all of the assistance and clear information they can get to help them to assist their children." When her son was young, her greatest fear was that someone would kidnap him. She wrote this poem, in 1989, after seeing a distraught couple on TV after their little child had been kidnapped. (If we have small children, this perhaps represents one of our greatest fears.)
FEARS
One day we were sitting in the park,
during the twilight, just before dark.
My little boy was running and jumping and skipping,
while I sat and talked to someone about knitting.
After finding out what knitting was all about,
I thought about my son and his whereabouts.
I stood and I looked around everywhere,
because my greatest fear I could not bare.
The fear that my baby had been taken by some mad freak,
and made to suffer, and to feel defeat.
Because his mommy was so busy nick nacking around,
she forgot that in our country you are not on safe ground.
The grounds around us are wild and chaotic, with no semblance of reason;
human beings are now hunted like wild animals in season!
Children are kidnapped, molested, and assaulted; it appears that violence will never be halted!
I cry out loudly, inside I am bursting; I knew that in America you could never be trusting.
Oh God, won't you please help me I plead, I am one woman who is so desperate in need.
If my son, my baby, the gift of my life, is now in the hands of peril and plight; I will not be able to go on with my life; forever allowing him to get out of my sight.
As I run around madly peering first here and then there, blood rushes to my head as I see a wonderful pair!
My husband and son are walking towards me, with two great big smiles they did certainly reward me.
My husband had walked to the park and had seen me talking; and had taken my son with him to go walking.
I am so grateful for this lesson I've learned; it's so easy to become one of those whose lives have been turned.
Turned into turmoil over the loss of something so dear. Thank God that all I have is something to fear!
But can we continue to exist in this way? Living in fear each and every day?
©1989, M. Sumyyah Bilal
Acknowledging that we, as parents, have fears, enables us to listen better to our children's fears. When they became teenagers and young adults, my children taught me how to listen. They didn't want advice or consolation. They just wanted to be heard. At the age of fifteen, my daughter wrote,
One of the few things
We are born with
Is a voice,
And if we are afraid to speak,
Then we will be unsuccessful
In communicating.
We can make a point of listening to our children's fears and encouraging them to express their fears in ways that do not hurt themselves or others. It's okay if they don't want to share their fears too soon after a traumatic event. In the aftermath of the tragedy of September 11, Dr. Jean Huston (2001) scholar and researcher in human capacities (
http://www.jeanhouston.com), said,
"Talk to the kids, your own or other people's children. Let them express their feelings, tell you what is on their minds. Give them a grasp of the larger issues at hand. Tell them about mercy and compassionate action. If possible engage them in service oriented activities. Let them see the larger story."
